Miles to Go Before I Sleep - Some Musings
Strangely, I was thinking today about who I am.
I hardly recognise myself at age 60 to the person I was when age 30. Physically I am similar, recognisable but older. In my head I am so very different.
I think I thought about it because I feel my time is pulled in many directions and I am struggling to manage it well. The books are read by many. My blog posts and website are used by a lot of people also. I talk to so many people in the thyroid arena now. I do a few consults still to help people and try to help thyroid patients on groups/pages. I also have a personal life and want to persue some of my own interests. I have never been good at time management and it can be difficult.
Sometimes, it feels like I am watching myself as a third person and I don't really know how I've got to this point. It was never my intention to write any books, let alone do all the work that I've done subsequently.
Who is heck is Paul Robinson?
- In terms of my work I think I am a weird mixture of angry thyroid patient and amateur thyroid researcher. I'm obviously not a doctor, but I have delved very deeply into many aspects of thyroid related health and the system that the thyroid operates within. My focus has always been on understanding the technical side of how the body actually works. I don't just take what I hear on the Internet and regurgitate it. Because of the way I work, my writings sometimes appear radical - CT3M is an example of totally outside the box thinking and new endocrinology. My approach may make me seem overly technical but not always as sympathetic as others. That is not really the case. I have huge empathy for the plight of thyroid patients who are not getting the treatment that they deserve. It is just that I come at the situation from a technical viewpoint.
- Some of my friends call me Sheldon (The Big Bang Theory). Some call me Don Tillman (read The Rosie Project). I am well up the spectrum for sure. I doubt I could have done my work without being 'up there'. I can still empathise with people but I like to be data driven if I can - which I know drives some patients nuts, as they just want an opinion. Opinions can just be wrong though, and the health of individuals is always really important and safety is key - so I don't like to guess.
- Sometimes I feel like a little boy who wants to just run and hide away and not deal with any of the problems with thyroid issues or life. Life can be very hard indeed. There is far too much pain and suffering out in the world.
- Some people think I am 'all about T3 treatment', or 'all about the Circadian T3 Method (CT3M)', but I am not any of those things. I simply wrote about T3 therapy to begin with, as it was information that I thought was very informative and that I could make a unique contribution regarding T3 use.. I honestly thought it was insightful enough that I would have had many doctors wanting to speak to me. But that never happened. A few open-minded ones have done by the way. I am definitely not all about T3 therapy. I am open to all thyroid hormone therapies. They all have their place. My new book ('The Thyroid Patient's Manual'), is a proof of my view on this.
- Sometimes I think that, "I'm on my knees looking for the answer" (from the Human song by The Killers). It is hard to not feel weak and incapable of helping thyroid patients to win this war we are in. It does feel like a war. The adversaries never seem to want to negotiate or discuss. Many health authorities, endocrinologists and doctors are in a take no prisoners mode. Thyroid patients are often having working thyroid medications taken away from them, or being refused the right treatment. So, I struggle at times, and feel despair like many other thyroid patients do.
- I could be The Three Eyed Raven (Game of Thrones) - as I have a view on where all this thyroid treatment issue is going to end up and how long it will take to fully resolve. I'm not going to say, "Winter is coming!", I'm going to keep my view to myself!
I hardly recognise myself now. It is very strange. It has been an odd road indeed.
"I took the one less travelled by, and that has made all the difference" (Robert Frost).
"But I have promises to keep, And miles to go before I sleep, And miles to go before I sleep." (also Robert Frost).
So, very strangely, I was thinking about who I am today.
I do barely recognise myself, but I know that I still have miles to go before I sleep.
These are only musings. I am not going mad - just being a little self-reflective for once. I suspect I'll get over it.
The Road Not Taken
BY ROBERT FROST
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
BY ROBERT FROST
Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.
My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.